i'm mildly tripping out today: i decide to visit the website of my long-dormant net-friend noele (about a month ago she decided to unplug from her site for a while), find that a new journal entry has appeared, follow a link to someone named jeremy.   the depeche mode quote on his front page rocks, it intrigues me.   i follow a link to a page entitled "Q" ... and am blown away to see that it looks just like my fortunes page -- same layout, fonts, text-behavior tweaks.   i recognize some quotes as being the same as on my fortunes page as well, including nancy venable raine.

my initial reaction is ... i can't describe it, really.   a little speechless, in a good way.   i'm reminded of that well-known quote: "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery".   that's it: i'm flattered.   (brain sometimes has problems digging up words from inside head.)

i wouldn't be honest w/ myself if i didn't mention i also had a moment of, "what the ...? is he copying me & ripping me off?"   but his page doesn't feel like a simple rip-off.   the quotes he's chosen are heartfelt and powerful ... the content of the page is decidedly his own.   content is what matters in my book.   i'm betting he found my page via noele and maybe was inspired to use it as a template for his own voice.   indeed, as i scroll through his quotes, i read some very cool, very hardcore stuff.

(and i am not surprised to find the guy shares similar tastes to mine: stares at salvador dali paintings, listens to techno and 80s and indie rock, and definitely not surprised the guy likes BT, my hero.

what i am surprised to find is that the guy is about to go to school in new mexico.   that i wasn't expecting.)

i feel kind of strange, though ... stumbling on a page out there on the grid that is an emulation of one of mine.   [actually, i found a couple more in his site later on as well.]   like my page became, for one person, a model, a template.   this really spooks me out.   i'm honored to be emulated, definitely, but it's a weird feeling at the same time.   i've gotten used to my site being (or feeling like it's) relatively anonymous & unknown, off in some quiet corner of the web.   i don't publicize it, don't seed the search engines with my url on a monthly basis, don't set up banner ads to get the hoardes of traffic pouring in.   i prefer to have people find my site sporadically, on their own.

but this is almost some bizarre kind of proof, that my site is being paid attention to by more people than i envision ... which, of course, is obvious to anyone setting up a home on the web.   i just tend to forget from time to time.   and this sure was a alarm-clock-going-off reminder of it.   and i admit, i feel a moment of that drug, Ego Boost, filtering through my veins.   not cool.

i can't let this sink in too much. i like the idea of talking to a void, to nothingness.   to a faceless unquantifiable crowd shrouded in darkness.   put a spotlight on the audience, and surely what you say and how you say it will change.   i don't want that to happen.   i've got too much to write about right now, things i have to say from myself to myself.   and i don't want that tainted by a change in this 'virtual ecosystem' i have set up for myself.