14 july 99. spinning: peter gabriel, in your eyes. i fear that bt's performance last saturday night at cyberfest is now just a memory that is slipping away ... and i visualize ... the crowd all around me that night, surrounding me, a thousand people all moving as one, his music enveloping us, soaring, passing through us ... my god, i can't believe all these people are feeling bt's music all at once ... him on stage, bathed in red light, orange, green ... the look on his face ... ecstatic, radiating passion and pure emotion ... random squeals and shouts of delight rise up from the crowd ... i feel delirious ... i look over, someone is laughing gleefully ... him reveling, basking in the energy from all the joyous faces & moving bodies all focused & feeling his creation ... the expression on his face feeding the crowd more and more ... the music builds ... the crowd screams ... my eyes are filled with tears ... it all floods back ... i visualize the emotion, not just the visuals. and i know, for the first time since the ordeal, since my reality was electric-shocked & my brain re-wired, that this is a memory that will not be lost, will not sink down into the depths of my mind. omigod. i can call up that emotional-state on demand.		Time goes from present to past.   - Dogen Zenji 1998: toward the light > 05 jan 99. they unavoidably change. 10 jan 99. we hide behind our screens. 17 jan 99. which path? 10 feb 99. extremely vivid dream. 20 feb 99. misc thoughts. 21 feb 99. surfer in the water. 23 feb 99. brainstorm 1: love output equation. 06 mar 99. sleeping under the 580. 14 mar 99. mingling. 23 mar 99. antidote for selfishness. 04 apr 99. little heartbreaks. 06 may 99. unexplained early rise. 15 may 99. brainstorm 2: human-web evolution. 15 may 99. storm on the horizon. 20 may 99. first drive. 28 may 99. 2nd flashback. 31 may 99. selective reality. 10 jun 99. the tell-tale email. 11 jun 99. exposure & tears. 13 jun 99. 5 seconds. 27 jun 99. visual effects artist. 03 jul 99. i close my eyes. 06 jul 99. healing touch. 09 jul 99. episode 11. 10 jul 99. dj rap in berkeley. 14 jul 99. 4 days after bt. 26 jul 99. struggling with Real. 30 jul 99. net trippin. 15 aug 99. san diego sparkles. 29 aug 99. skyy vodka ad fails. 09 sep 99. when the thoughts stop. 15 sep 99. foreboding. 20 sep 99. bubble states. 25 sep 99. waking. 06 oct 99. episode 16. 04 nov 99. brainstorm 3. feb 11. final entry. Linda.