"Time goes from present to past."   - Dogen Zenji Dec 20, 98   Dec 17, 98   Dec 15, 98   Dec 6, 98   Dec 3, 98   Nov 15, 98   Nov 1, 98   Oct 24-25, 98   Oct 17, 98   Oct 11-12, 98   Oct 98   Sept 98   Aug 98   July 98   June 98

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written: 30 Dec 98, midday.
spinning: BT, "Remember" (Paul Van Dyk's Recollected Remix).

i got up this morning, had a bath.   i submerged myself under the water, held my breath for a microcosm of an eternity.   then relaxed. breathed. Soaked.   i let the tears flow in sync with the running water.   came out afterward, and found my heart was racing for no known reason.   what was happening at this moment, somewhere?   i lay down on the bed to reign in the racing heart.   looked up, out of my window, up away from the city, watched the clouds drift endlessly by. something has happened.   i sense a change -- far far away and deep inside.   the two seem undeniably intertwined, interconnected.   at long last, i feel change.   this time the tears flow of gentle release, of delicate hope.   the energy is building inside -- it's unstoppable, unshakable.   i need to release, to have the blinding energy burst from within me and radiate in all directions.   it will happen soon.   i can feel it.